I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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