I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
