Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
