dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize