as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
