Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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