after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
