i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
