im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
