Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
