At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
