before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
