I murdered the dance floor call the cops
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
