I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
