So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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