I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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