I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
