At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
