I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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