What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
