im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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