I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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