Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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