a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
