I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
