She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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