that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
