dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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