you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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