Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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