the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can vaginas get frostbite?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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