is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
