I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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