He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
