remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
