So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
