Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
