My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
