No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
