What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There are leaves in my underwear?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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