theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
