so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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