Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
