you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
