so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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