i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
