I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
