make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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