I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
