made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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