She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
