He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
