Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
