Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
