And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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