dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
honey bunches of taint.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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