If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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