The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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