Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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