hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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