It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
