I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
