I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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