Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had sex on a roof
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
