Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
