i permit you to call me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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