if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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