Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
