her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
