remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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