That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
