Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
