i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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