I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
