Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
