Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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