at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
