And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
