The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
