So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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