I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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