I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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