so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
