I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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