i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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